Just Tell Me Why
by JeiC
Summary: Why is such a simple question, but the answers are far more complex.


Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts nor Bleach (minor Bleach reference). I just write this stuff for kicks.  
Author's note: Notes at the end.  
Warnings: angst, yaoi implications

**Just Tell Me Why**

by JeiC  
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Even with my eyes closed I could sense a presence coming up behind where I'm lounging on the bent papou fruit tree. It was a presence that I would never mistake, but his silent tread spoke volumes. I don't even bother opening my eyes nor turning to greet my visitor, "Does Sora know you're here?"

He snorts, finding a comfortable place to lean against the tree before speaking, "You really are something, Riku. To answer your question, as far as my other is concerned, he's sleeping on the beach. Sometimes I wonder how someone so lazy could have defeated Xemnas."

Laughing lightly at his comment, I agree, "Sora is a bit of a puzzle, that much I'll give you." I crack open an eye at the blonde, spiky-haired youth, "You're not looking to fight me again, are you, Roxas?" Even after all was said and done, I still had a sort of twisted love-hate relationship with the guy. Not that we often got to speak much after he was rejoined with his heart.

Eyes open wide and his head whips around to look at me, "No…I just came here to talk. Besides, Sora would be upset," he turns back to look out over the water, but I didn't miss the blush that graced his cheeks before he turned away. Well, that was certainly an interesting reaction from the normally stoic boy.

Sitting up, I resist the urge to cringe at the still healing wounds I received from Xemnas. It may have been a couple of weeks since those decisive final battles, but where I took the hit for Sora was slow in healing...very slow. Not that I would tell him about it.

"Still hurts, huh?" Raising an eyebrow at him, I search those familiar, striking blue eyes for explanation, but I don't get one until he continues, "He knows something is wrong, but he's not sure how to approach and ask you."

"It's nothing. Aren't you supposed to be spending time with Namine?" I honestly hope that isn't what he came here to talk to me about. It's kind of an odd thing, really. While Kairi and Namine are very similar, Sora and Roxas seem like day and night, at least from my perspective. Perhaps it was our previous battles that gives me that view.

"Right..." Blue eyes turn to look out over the ocean, and a moment later, he seemed to remember my other question, "Kairi has a project that she's working on and my other was being a pest so she kicked him out."

I can't help but laugh out loud. That is an amusing sight, "She must have been trying to bake something again."

I get a look of disbelief for calling it, until Roxas sneers at me and recalls that she's kicked me out on occasion as well, but I remind him that was to make sure Sora stayed occupied and out of trouble.

Silence stretches again before he gives in and asks, "When we fought, why did you fight me with so many handicaps? You must've known the outcome before you set foot in our world."

Shrugging, I follow his gaze, "Perhaps, but I was blinded by more than just a strip of fabric. I had to take the chance. Besides, it seemed like you could use a hand."

"One that I am grateful for. I know Axel's hands were tied..." The sadness in the voice of Sora's Nobody was evident. I suppose I had been hanging out with DiZ too long when I found a scientific interest in the blonde's current behavior now that he was whole again.

Debating momentarily, I give Roxas a glimmer of hope, "Axel did a lot more for you than I think you realize."

"I know what he did for Sora...for me ultimately." Silence hangs in the air heavily for a few minutes before he decides to speak again, "So why didn't you fight back?"

Raising an eyebrow at him, I question, "Is that what has been bugging you?"

"Well..." the blonde seems hesitant to elaborate, "I've had a lot of time to think and analyze it. If you actually fought me, the outcome would have been…different."

"Perhaps, but that's in the past." Really, what else can I say to him? Roxas, I really didn't want to fight you because you are part of Sora. That sounds lame even to me.

In all reality, that is the truth, but only a portion of it. I still need to make up for starting this chain of events. I was the one that caused Roxas to exist, so I couldn't fight him either as well as he is half of Sora.

It always comes back to Sora. He is so naive and simple-minded, but at the same time, there's so much that I can learn from him.

The one standing near me now on the other hand is a different matter entirely. I've found Roxas to be quite cold and calculating at times, but for someone who had no heart, he seemed to follow it all the same. Perhaps he was much more closely connected to Sora than DiZ, or rather Ansem the Wise, figured.

My best friend's other seems so much different, but at the same time, they're extremely similiar. I think that the big difference is that Sora is a gentle creature by nature. Even when he's angry, he's not vengeful, otherwise I might truly have been in trouble during those final battles just before Xenahort's Heartless wrestled full control away from me.

A passionate fighter, yes. Vengeful, well, that's what I really expected, but all I received was forgiveness and friendship even though I wanted to hide from the universe.

"How come you've been keeping a distance from everyone?"

Huh? Is it really that obvious?

The blonde rolls his eyes, "He's worried about you. It'd kill him if you disappeared again."

Jumping off my perch, I stand over Roxas as much as I stand over Sora. "You share Sora's heart...are you worried about me too?" I ask sarcastically, brushing past him.

What I didn't expect was for him to swipe at my feet, knocking me to the ground. I catch myself on my forearms before I get a face full of sand, but that too is short lived as the blonde grabs my shoulder, making me face him and suddenly I have a very irate boy on my chest. "Take your attitude and shove it. Yes, I share Sora's heart. If you think I don't care, you're sadly mistaken. My other is far too kind to even speak to you about it, but I'm tired of him…of us being hurt."

All I do is just stare at him. I don't even know how to respond. Gritting my teeth, I push him off of me, switching our positions. "You of all people should understand why it is so hard for me to face him...to face everyone!"

Roxas pushes against me, but he can't win against me in a battle of strength. "No, I don't understand. Now get off of me!"

Leaning in close so that our noses almost touch, I tease, "What? You afraid Sora is going to wake up soon?"

Growling at me as his face continues to redden, I comply finally and get off of him. Turning, I head towards the small, wooden bridge.

Strong, slim arms lock themselves around my waist, preventing me from continuing my smooth escape. I can feel the blonde burying his head in my back before I hear a quiet plea, "Riku, don't go."

Freezing completely, I look over my shoulder as I ask, "Sora?" Sure enough, the spiky-haired brunette is behind me, holding on for dear life. Roxas must have made Sora wake up. I'm almost surprised that he decided to use such a tactic, but I suppose he figured he now needed to force the issue with his other.

"Huh?" Blue eyes look up at me surprised...the same eyes as Roxas, but far warmer than his counterpart. He takes a moment to assess his position before jumping back, laughing nervously. "Heh, um, sorry about that. Not sure how I got here. You're not mad, are you, Riku? I didn't say or do anything stupid, did I?"

Taking a moment to debate his questions, I ease his anxiety, "No, you didn't, but..." Do I want to ask him?

"But..."

Damn, I had been hoping Sora had missed that. "But how come you didn't say anything?"

"Say anything about what?" The confused look on his face alone tells me he has no idea what his other has been up to.

Waving him off, I tell him to ignore what I said as I once again head back towards the small wooden bridge.

Once again, I don't make it as I look back at Sora who is holding onto my hand tightly, not letting me leave. This seems oddly familiar, except the last time it was Kairi that initially kept me from leaving. I know I could have overpowered her easily and disappeared, but I guess a stronger part of me wanted to stay and wait for Sora's judgment. I couldn't resist the call of my true name. It was easier to leave when I could feel the anger and tension from my best friend when he called me Ansem.

"Please don't go, Riku." Turning to face the spiky brunette, the torn look on his face is apparent...probably debating whether or not to confront me about what is bothering him. He seems to go with a general comment, "I mean, ever since we got back, it has been hard to find you." I don't think I could take it if he started to cry again like when Kairi made him see me even though I had taken on Ansem's, or rather Xenahort's Heartless, form. Him seeing me in that form was hard enough, but then knowing that it was me made it worse. I kept up a front as best I could, grateful that I was able to regain my true form if I was going to continue traveling and fighting alongside those who were my allies and friends.

Feeling guilty still, even before my confrontation with Roxas, I offer up a little bit of information and part of an apology, "Sorry, I've been working with Ukitake-sensei a lot. He has been very ill lately so I've been helping out at the dojo." There are other reasons I have been spending more time with my mentor, but Sora doesn't need to know that I have been seeking his guidance and his advice. The transition to living  
in this world again has been difficult for me, and I don't expect a quick fix, but I admit, sometimes I could use a little help. Plus I've been training so that I can be more useful in future battles. I want to be able to wield two keyblades as both Roxas and Sora have, but without restrictions as Roxas was able to.

I've managed to be able to call two keyblades to my command, but it is still a time-consuming and difficult task. Ukitake-sensei has been teaching me how to fight with two swords in the meantime when he's feeling well enough to train.

Do I know of a conflict yet to come? No. I just hope I'm preparing for a battle that never arrives. I don't know how well Sora could weather another journey.

"What's this?" I look down and realize too late that what I tried to hide from everyone is about to be revealed to the one that I most worried about their reaction. The spiky-hair brunette pulls the white armband down to reveal the mark that I was left with from the darkness. "I wondered why you always wore…" His comment trails off as he gently traces the partial Heartless symbol on the inside of my wrist. It was the same one that I wore when I used the power of darkness shortly before Ansem took control of me and in Castle Oblivion against Zexion. Blue eyes suddenly bore into my own, "Why do you have this, Riku?"

"I…I don't know," I look away from him, unable to stand the intense gaze, "I'm sorry."

Before I realize it, I have a bundle of normally cheerful and energetic teen in my arms. Closing my eyes, I hold him not nearly as tightly as he is clutching me and I rest my head on that soft hair. It is simple times like this that I wish could go on forever, and it's Sora's light that I hope never goes out for I know I won't be the only one to suffer.

"Does that mean you're going to go away again? To find out why you have it?"

I almost retort that I'm not Roxas, but I think that's the last thing that he wants to hear. "No, I'm not leaving. It's not that important. That symbol has been fading slowly so I'm not too worried," I lie. I am worried because I can feel my slumbering dark powers slowly waken. What'll happen when they do, I don't know, but I hope I am strong enough not to fall prey to those powers again.

Shifting his head, I move so that he can look down and examine the mark on the inside of my wrist again, "You know, I can't be upset that you didn't tell me. You've always been kind of a private person, Riku. It's been hard for you since we came back, hasn't it?" Again, gentle fingers trace the partial Heartless symbol and I can't bring myself to give him a verbal response, "Just remember, you've got friends like me and Kairi that you can talk to and I bet I'll understand better than Kairi will." It seems Roxas also has no trouble confronting me and I wonder if Namine was in on it as well.

Guess a guy really can't quietly fade back into darkness around here as much as I wouldn't leave. Being a shadow in this world seems a more suitable place than my former position, but Sora seems to want me to have no part of that.

It seems something occurred to him as he tilted his head in examining the mark that might as well look like a tattoo and laughed, "It's not a Heartless symbol…it's more like a Heart-full symbol. See, it's missing that spiked X thing in the middle!" Looking back up, the brunette beams one of those impossible to resist smiles right at me. I can't help giving him a gentle smile in return. Sometimes, he's impossible, but I suppose I can't argue with his logic.  
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Fin  
by JeiC  
July 2007  
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Author's notes: This was mostly just a writing exercise for me that kind of evolved into its own fic. As for the mentioning of Ukitake…yeah, I have a Bleach obsession at the moment and specifically with that shinigami captain. Plus he seemed to be one of the two most qualified people from that series that I could have used for this.

On a side note: Sora's hyperactive optimism scares me… ::runs for the darkness::  
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